WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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