who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
