im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
