Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize