I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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