handjob tips. give me some.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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