have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
