Apparently you make a good broom.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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