I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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