last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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