i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
