from now on my penis is your penis
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
