3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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