It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
