Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
