lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
