Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
