I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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