I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
pop tarts are not kleenex
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
