Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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