You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
