I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
