I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
