Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
