grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
