This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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