Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Text me some of your sweat
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
