I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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