I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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