Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
