had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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