giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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