Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
