She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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