I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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