i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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