South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
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Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
