made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
