my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this just has baby written all over it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
