i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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