You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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