Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
