I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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