My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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