Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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