Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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