how can u be prego again
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
