I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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