when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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