Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
