Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
