I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
