I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
