I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
