there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
