It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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