The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
