im six kinds of drunk right now
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
