Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
