I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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