i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
