i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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