I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
