He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i don't like sucking hair
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
