I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
