I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
