i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.