I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap