All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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