Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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