i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid