well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize