Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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