I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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