I'm going to jail i love you
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
