I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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