we're blogging at a bar
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
