i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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