hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
